


Who Do You Call at 4am?

by oneawkwardcookie



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Ficlet, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, One Shot, Phone Calls & Telephones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24291193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneawkwardcookie/pseuds/oneawkwardcookie
Summary: Buck's not the only one up at 4am.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 327





	Who Do You Call at 4am?

The nightmares start soon after. No, that’s not right. The new nightmares start, fitting neatly into the maelstrom that floods his mind each night.

The water is rising, on him, on Christopher, and now on Eddie. He’s under it, on top of it trying to get to the floor, hands shovelling away, but the water and mud and debris just slip through and he can’t move, he can’t go up, can’t go down, can’t escape –

Buck wakes with a shriek, sweat drenched arms and legs tangled in his sheets. He battles with them, emerging to sit up against the headboard, drawing reedy breaths and clenching the pillows with white knuckled fists.

He looks up slowly and sees thin beads of light bleeding through his window into vertical bars on the opposite wall. The alarm clock tells him it’s 4am. There are a few hours left until he’s due to meet Eddie and Chris for breakfast, but the idea of sleep is becoming less and less appealing.

He chokes back a sob and grabs his phone, thinking a funny Youtube video or game could pass the time and occupy his mind. Instead, his home-screen shows a singular text message.

“You up?”

Buck 1.0 was familiar with these, having sent as many as he’d received, and having found a moment’s quiet in them.

This seemed different though. It was Eddie. He’d sent it 5 minutes ago, and there was a missed call before that too. Buck’s mind immediately whirs back into a panic: why would Eddie message at this time of the morning? Was something wrong with Christopher? Maybe he was ill, and Eddie needed him to come and help him out? Was it Eddie? Buck had seen the state he’d been in after he dragged himself out of the depths, red eyed and trembling.

Although he’d been there in the hospital, insisting on reading all the doctor’s reports, his research had told him that complications could always arise, no matter how much Eddie assured him he was fine.

As his mind buzzes, his fingers fumble and call him back, heart rising in his throat at each ring.

Eddie picks up on the third ring.

“Buck?” he sounds tired and Buck immediately feels himself regretting not texting back first.

“You called: is everything alright? Is Christopher, are you alright?” He tries to not let the panic bleed into his voice, but he could almost hear the wince on the other side.

“Yeah everything’s – Christopher is fine.” Buck lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I couldn’t sleep and thought you might be up too?”

“…I was up.” It’s Eddie’s turn to be concerned, as Buck hears him sit upright in bed.

“Are you alright? Christopher had nightmares after the tsunami, so it makes sense – do you want to talk about it?” Maybe it’s the hour, or the fact that the last nightmare had featured Eddie, or the soft earnestness of Eddie’s voice, but Buck does want to talk about it. He talks about the water, sometimes muddy, sometimes bloody. He talks about how he couldn’t tell which way was up, how his lungs felt like they would burst. He talks about how he was trapped and unable to move as the world came crashing down onto him.

“I’m sorry, I’ve made this all about me again.” Buck feels himself lean forward as his heart tries to tilt out of his chest.

Eddie’s tone is firmer now. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Geez, I should be the one apologising. I should have called you before, or at least said something. You know you can always call me?”

“I do,” Buck mutters, looking out across his silent apartment, shoulders dropping a little. 

Eddie lets out a loud exhale, and Buck hears the scratching sound of his hand running down his face, rubbing over the uneven stubble. It was a nervous tic: one Buck had seen every time things were looking precarious on a call. “I didn’t realise how much I had to lose before I went under. It was bad, I almost… the oxygen was running out and I knew I only had one shot at making it out.”

Buck listens silently, his own chest clenching in breathless sympathy.

“I couldn’t have made it back… all I could think about as I swam was Christopher. I couldn’t leave him.”

Buck smiles wrly in response, trying to hold back the tide.

Another exhale. “But, you were there too. You bought me back.”

The silence stretches on.

“Buck?” Eddie’s voice is loud, pitched up and echoing in Buck’s ears.

“I’m here.” His heart is beating fast again, electricity sparking under his skin.

“I need you to – I need – I can’t do this without you.” Eddie’s voice peters out, uncertain in a way Buck’s never heard it sound. Buck’s mind catches up to his ears, and his mouth opens on instinct.

“I didn’t know what I’d do without you, but I never stopped trying to get to you”

“I know. I wouldn’t have stopped either. I – I didn’t want to do this over the phone, but time is promised to no one, and I can’t wait any longer. You’re my life, our family, and I can’t imagine another day without you by our side. I can’t imagine waking up without you by my side.”

The silence sounds like fireworks now. The room seems a hundred times brighter than it is and Buck closes his eyes, feeling safe.

“I want to wake up beside you too.” Buck is beaming now, grin so wide he can barely talk. His heart is bursting, but he can’t resist teasing. “You want me over now?”

“You really are–” Eddie doesn’t finish the sentence, his muffled laugh taking over instead. Buck can’t help but laugh back, the joy becoming contagious. “Yeah, come over, come over now.”

Buck thinks he hears Eddie say something more before he hangs up, already heading for his closet, but he thinks to himself, maybe just this once, there’ll be enough time for him to look him in his eyes and say it back.


End file.
